Progynova
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| 22/01/18 |
But the biggest thing, and the reason I'm writing this post, is because I've started HRT. It took me a long time to get, at least comparatively speaking, from what I have heard. I had four sessions with a clin. psych, which went through my whole life and mental health history. I now have a piece of paper that says "Adam is Transgender", which -- by the way -- isn't my name anymore.
I've been full time for a few months now. That is, I now live my public life as a woman. I don't mean I ever really intentionally said that "from today, I'm full time." This was. kind of gradual. One day I decided I really liked my makeup. I looked like a raccoon for a bit, then I got the hang of my eyeliner and went goth. Then one day I had the guts to go shopping with one of my besties and buy a couple skirts. I probably need to update my warddrobe now but... well, I just sort of started wearing them?
After that, I figured hey, I'm already in a skirt. Why the hell not just introduce myself as my new name (which, for privacy reasons, I'm not listing here)? Actually, that was also thanks to my friends and the fact that they believe in me.
That bit there is a lot more than other trans people have. I've met so many men and women through the Gender Centre that simply don't have the support, and it makes me realise just how fortunate I am. Sure, things have been tough, probably will be from now on. But somehow, after severing contact with my parents, I've still managed to have a support network of friends who love me. I try to be that same person for other people but I've still got a lot going on. I think I do a lot, but I still need to look after number one.
Which has been me the last few days. I finally managed to get on hormone replacement therapy the other day. The endocrinologist prescribed me Progynova, which is Oestradiol. No antiandrogens yet (to cut out testosterone) but, from what I read, the Oestradiol alone will reduce it. First day, I didn't feel a thing. Second day, I crashed out in the middle of the day at a conference. I still managed to get through everything but I was pretty screwed by the time I got home.
Today is day three and... Oestrogen feels like nicotine withdrawals at this stage. Except, instead of a constant irritation, I just hook onto something and get fixated on it. I was having a great day until I looked at the comments of a reddit r/GetMotivated post and saw a whole lotta negativity. I get why they were critical of the post, but it made me feel happy and by Georgia, I wanted to hate them for ruining it. I'm not making a blanket statement about what Oestrogen feels like for women in general, just for this one girl because I'm a lightweight.
HRT isn't the only thing that has happened. I start TAFE in a couple weeks: I'll be studying Makeup, which scares the hell out of me. I'm excited too -- of course -- otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. Getting there has been hell, though; I had to save aggressively so I can afford the $700 makeup kit and other suppries. I'm determined to make 2018 a good and productive year, and this is my first stop. In semester 2, I'm hoping to do hairdressing. Hair and makeup, then I can find work.
I have been in contact with some family members, but I've decide I'm going to stay off the radar with my parents for the whole year. Around Christmas, I logged into my old Facebook (don't ask me why) and saw that my mother had been trying to message me. The dialogue was all about her -- "This is bad, for me. Why are you doing this to me?" I don't think she's changed at all, she's still trying to manipulate me into speaking to her. She read the letter I sent her, which amounted to stop contacting me, and thanked me for sending it. Then she asked me to contact her again soon. Then she called me her son. I don't think she read it at all.
None of that matters, though. 2018 goes on without her or my father, and I reserve the right to extend the ban however long I need. She took something that was supposed to be about me and made it about her. For that, she gets to sit on the sidelines for the rest of the season.
I think that may be everything. If I think of something later, I'll do a rushed 3am post because I can't sleep. I'll probably write more of these now that I'm on HRT. I feel like the rest of this blog has just been a catch up and then filler until I started hormones.
