Posts

Down the Rabbit Hole

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I've spoken a lot about some of my struggles as a public transwoman, but I haven't really touched much on my interactions with the public. I have a unique opportunity to do that tonight, because today I was sexually assaulted. That word has a lot of meanings. It conjures images of rape and heinous bodily harm, but those aren't its only meanings. Rape is sexual assault, but sexual assault is not just  rape. So I was at Town Hall station at about 11:30am this morning. I was coming up the escalator from the platform when I felt the back of somebody's hand against my buttocks. I turned around to see a man, maybe sixty or so, moving back down a step like he had moved for somebody, but there was nobody behind him, at least  not close enough to warrant him moving towards me. Did I just feel what I thought I felt? The way he was acting seemed like he  thought he'd just done it accidentally. Don't get me wrong; accidental bodily contact happens a lot. In elevato
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Progynova

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22/01/18 So... yeah, it's really  been a while since I updated this. I mean, yeah, I sad that last post but damn,  this is something else. An insane amount has happened between, including me moving twice (spending... four months in the refuge?). But the biggest thing, and the reason I'm writing this post, is because I've started HRT. It took me a long  time to get, at least comparatively speaking, from what I have heard. I had four sessions with a clin. psych, which went through my whole life and mental health history. I now have a piece of paper that says "Adam is Transgender", which -- by the way -- isn't my name anymore. I've been full time for a few months now. That is, I now live my public life as a woman. I don't mean I ever really intentionally said that "from today, I'm full time." This was. kind of gradual. One day I decided I really liked my makeup. I looked like a raccoon for a bit, then I got the hang of my eyeliner a
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It's been a while, hasn't it? There's a lot to tell.

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Went to the Yes rally (it's not about Optus) Been a while since I updated, hasn't it? There's actually a lot to say, I just haven't known how to say it. I'm not sure if I've said this here already, but my parents and I are no longer speaking. It's been a long time coming. I don't know if it's going to be a permanent thing or just a temporary thing, but... with the way things are, there's no place for them in my life. This is about more than just my transition, although they've made their position perfectly clear on that. It started with my new therapist (gods bless that man!) He told me that a lot of what I was saying about my parents, specifically my mother, was giving him red flags about abuse. In a previous post, when talking about things that were happening between us, I urged the reader to stay neutral. I'm now backtracking that. I have been apologising for the way my parents have treated me for as long as I can remember
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Sorry I haven't updated in a while.

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So I keep hearing that I need to update more often, and they're right. I'm hoping to spend a little time every day writing in this blog. It might only be a short entry -- a quote or a song -- but it'll be an entry at least. Things at the moment are... haywire. I have to move again, for financial reasons that I'd rather not get into too deeply, and I'm moving into crisis housing. Long story short, I thought I'd be able to afford this place but because of reasons that I wasn't aware of at the time, that won't be possible. It was going to be a tight fit to begin with but something happened that further decreased my funds and... I just can't afford to live here anymore. It's a real tragedy because I love it here. I love the people I live with, I love the dog, I love the neighbour's dog, but I have to make the call. I can live under the red line or I can cut my losses and start over. I've only been here three weeks so it's not suc
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My First Few Days Back in the Big Smoke

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Hello, Coathanger. Sorry if you're the dude pictured. No royalties. Do you ever get the feeling that somebody who is not  you is in control of your life? Like, supernaturally? Serendipity, fate, all that hocus pocus? At this point of my life, I'd say it's the Norns. At another time, I'd say it was God but I sincerely doubt an Abrahamic god would help me transition and be nice to me throughout. The truth is I really don't know who  it is, but every so often they line me up to either fail or succeed miraculously. This time it's lined me up to succeed. There were so many variables moving down, which I've already written about. Where would I live? Who would I live with? Would I be able to find a place within the two weeks, given Sydney's housing crisis? I was fully aware that I could end up homeless and sleeping rough (and let's be frank, it's fucking cold down here!)  but somehow I've managed to find a room and a bed to sleep on, and I
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HELLO AGAIN DARLING

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If you went back in time and told Muslim-me that I'd be in Mecca in 2017, I'd laugh! Ok, so the above photo is actually Brisbane airport, BUT STILL! WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE THIS IN MACKAY! So yeah, if you missed it, I'm back in Sydney, baby! I'm gonna keep this short because I'm... so damn tired, but I thought that you, my seven loyal readers, deserve to know that I have arrived safe and sound. I'm in West Ryde for a bit, or possibly longer since I'm looking at a place on Thursday night which is in the same suburb, basically. I'm feeling... nervous, happy, excited, euphoric, terrified, so many things! I was on a train today. I haven't been in a train since 2012 and they all use this card system now which took me a couple goes to work out. I looked like an idiot lugging a 23kg suitcase on a bus but hey, I arrived, and I did it myself! I need to stress that last bit. I had help, of course, but the bulk of the legwork was done by me. This might
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A Before and After

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Yeah, it's not one of those  before and after's. I'm still a potato. But I'm a potato who is trying very hard to keep their blog updated. All is going well, the apartment is clearing out, and next week I'm flying 1700km south and not coming back. For a while. On a side note, my sister broke up with her fiance . It happened on the day I had my two teeth removed (did I write about that? I should have) and that day was still the best day of the week. I mean, it's caused some kerfuffles with my plans but omfg, Nobby Doldrums will not  be my brother in law! That's a celebration right there!
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